I’m delighted to share this hilarious blog on exams by my good friend Zina Nouhas who currently writes for Pure Fandom. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did – April
Dear fellow students, I’m about to bring up a tender subject: EXAMS!
Yup, I went there! But fret not, this post is all about bringing you some laughter – opposed to further stressing you out.
When it comes to exam time, every student will experience many ups and downs while studying (mostly breakdowns), and generally, question their existence at that very time. Am I right or what? Overall, it’s one hell of an anxiety-induced rollercoaster that just seems to never be ending! Today, I’m going to remind you all about the hell greatness of studying for exams. You ready?
Let’s break down the 10 stages of studying for exams:
The initial confidence stage
You’re nearly finished the semester, and your final exams are soon to follow. Oh, but don’t sweat it, YOU GOT THIS! You have all these weeks to fully plan out your studying to ensure you get great passes (I’m talking about no less than 70%). After all, you promised yourself you won’t cram like last time. What could possibly go wrong? (hahahahaa!)
The planning stage
The semester has finally ended and the false confidence is still high. You make a fancy study plan and sort out the materials for each module you are going to study for every day upcoming to your exams. You stick it on your wall and voila: you are so ready to start your studying.
The procrastinating stage
This is where it all starts to go downhill … You try studying but just can’t gather the patience to do so. What do you do instead? Oh, that’s right, ANYTHING other than studying. Suddenly, your room needs gutting out. Suddenly, you need to wash those dishes (you usually avoid). Suddenly, you have to re-watch your favourite series on Netflix. One more episode surely can’t hurt, can it?
The freakout stage
All of a sudden you realise how much you actually have to learn and it just seems impossible. How on earth do lecturers think you can possibly learn all these facts in such a short period of time? Can we just note: you get different lecturers per topic yet somehow you (one person) are meant to know it all? Snakes, the lot of them! *stocks up on coffee supply*
The denial stage
No, it’s cool. I’ll be fine. I still have plenty of time to study the immense amount of notes for all my modules.
The anger stage
WHY DIDN’T I STUDY SOONER? The exam date is looming and you can’t quite believe that you’ve allowed yourself to get into such a position. Stress is just a part of you now. What even is happiness again? I can’t quite remember.
The finally understanding your notes stage
By some miracle, you are now starting to understand some of the information for the exam. Why is it now your brain decides to work? HUH? Too little, too late, they say!
The ‘I’ll just take a 40%’ stage
Okay, f**k it! You have truly given up and already surrendered to just taking a pass. That 70% you dreamed of just went flying out the window! I mean, who even wants a 1:1 classification, right?
The curl up in a ball and cry stage
It’s the night before the exam and you have already accepted your fate. There is nothing left to do other than sob over your endless misery (preferably into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream).
The exam day stage
It’s exam day. You are waiting nervously outside the exam hall and the panic sets in. All you can do now is pray for the questions you studied to come up. At least it’ll all be over with soon and (no matter how it goes) you can have a well-deserved drinking sesh with your pals after it. Or, you can always just sleep for a week. Whatever floats your boat!Let me know your thoughts! I hope I reached you on a spiritual level.
(P.S. if you liked this post and love fandoms head over to Pure Fandom for more of my work on PureFandom)